By using this site, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Accept

empire

  • Lifestyle
    LifestyleShow More
    11 Life-Changing Trips to Take At Least Once
    24/03/2023
    21 Easy Tailgate Recipes to Bring to the Next Game
    20/03/2023
    How to Decide on a Wedding Budget That Works for You
    15/03/2023
    The Productivity Tip You Need, Based on Your Enneagram
    25/02/2023
    Tips to Make the Most of Your Engagement Photos Session
    21/02/2023
  • Finance
    FinanceShow More
    Budgeting Tips for When Everyone You Know is Getting Married
    30/03/2023
    6 Way To Improve Your Relationship With Money
    27/03/2023
    Meet Evernote: Our Best Kept Secret for Staying Ahead of the Workplace
    24/03/2023
    Time Blocking: The Productivity Method Successful Women Swear By
    20/03/2023
    How To Make the Full-Time to Freelance Transition
    14/03/2023
  • Sex
    SexShow More
    5 Easy Ways to Boost Your Sexual Confidence
    30/03/2023
    How To Deal With Sexual Shame, According to Experts
    29/03/2023
    How to Make Your Sex Life Better in Your Relationship
    24/03/2023
    10 Sex Positions To Try When It’s Too Hot To Function
    23/03/2023
    The Sex Position to Try Based on Your Enneagram
    13/03/2023
  • Sport
    SportShow More
    Easy Ways To Move More During the Holidays
    24/03/2023
    Workout Benefits More Important Than Burning Calories
    22/03/2023
    A Personal Trainer’s Tips For Getting The Most from Your Workouts
    16/03/2023
    Why You Need To Change Your Workout Routine
    15/03/2023
    The Best Fitness Tips From Shay Mitchell’s Trainer
    10/03/2023
  • Tech
    TechShow More
    Ezviz BC1C 2K+ review
    30/03/2023
    Realme Pad Mini review
    27/03/2023
    Creality Sermoon V1 Pro review
    21/03/2023
    OnePlus Nord CE 2 review
    17/03/2023
    Tokit Omni Cook review
    16/03/2023
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
Reading: What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?
Share
Notification
Latest News
Ezviz BC1C 2K+ review
Tech
5 Easy Ways to Boost Your Sexual Confidence
Sex
Budgeting Tips for When Everyone You Know is Getting Married
Finance
How To Deal With Sexual Shame, According to Experts
Sex
6 Way To Improve Your Relationship With Money
Finance
Aa

empire

Aa
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
Search
  • Lifestyle
  • Finance
  • Sex
  • Sport
  • Tech
  • Contact
  • English
    • Русский
    • Українська
    • Polski
    • Deutsch
empire > Sex > What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?
Sex

What Do Sexual Fantasies About Your Ex Mean?

Haley Cormac By Haley Cormac Published 11/03/2023
Share
SHARE

Believe it or not, fantasies about an ex are actually up there with some of the most common sexual fantasies for people of all genders. Now, if you’ve seen Netflix’s Sex/Life, you’re likely already jumping to conclusions about what this could mean. Does fantasizing about an ex mean you aren’t over them? And if you’re with someone new, what does it say about the health of that relationship? Should you tell your partner about these fantasies?

Contents
1. You can’t find happiness in your current relationship or single life2. You find yourself comparing everything to your ex3. You are unable to connect with yourself or your partner

With these questions swirling through my head, I sat down with Doctor and Certified Sex Therapist Kristie Overstreet to learn more about where these fantasies come from and how to navigate them.

Screen-Shot-2021-07-28-at-4

Dr. Kristie Overstreet

CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST, CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST

Dr. Overstreet has over 14 years of clinical experience and is an expert in relationships and LGBTQIA+ health care.

Right off the bat, Overstreet confirmed that this is a very common fantasy that comes up even more often than you might think among both single people and couples. “We are humans with hearts, and we have to give ourselves grace and not beat ourselves up,” she reminded us.

Every situation is different, but if you’re single, Overstreet said fantasizing about an ex does not necessarily mean that you want to go back to that person. Rather, she explained, fantasizing “could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship” and draw on it for pleasure in the present moment.

For those in a relationship who still fantasize about people from their past, the common assumption is that there are issues with your current partner that leave you looking back and romanticizing past relationships. Overstreet said that while this could be true in some cases, more often than not, fantasies can be “a way to use the past relationship to help enhance the current relationship.”

Overstreet suggested asking yourself what role the fantasy is playing for you, what the purpose of it is, and what cup you are trying to fill up. What benefit are you getting from these fantasies? Clarity on these questions will help you determine whether this is a healthy fantasy or if you might need to explore it further. Where might the fantasy become harmful to your relationship or your ability to thrive on your own? Look out for these three indicators that there could be something deeper going on.

1. You can’t find happiness in your current relationship or single life

It is perfectly normal to go through periods of monotony in long-term relationships or to get frustrated with single life. You should, however, be able to find happiness in your current situation and not be using fantasies of your past to escape from your present. If you’re unable to find moments of happiness where you’re at now, fantasies of the past could be doing more harm than good because you’re simply putting a Band-Aid over a bigger issue.

ex-sexual-fantasies-the-everygirl

Source: Shingi Rice | Unsplash

2. You find yourself comparing everything to your ex

In the event that you’re unhappy in your current relationship, Overstreet said “you can fall into this spiral of, ‘maybe I need to get back with my ex,’” or you begin trying to replicate an old relationship with a new person. Drawing on fantasies or past experiences to enhance your present-day sex life can be a (very) good thing, but you’re never going to replicate it exactly—and the comparison trap can be a dangerous one.

3. You are unable to connect with yourself or your partner

“If you are stuck in a space of fantasy and all you can do is think about your ex, you are not being present in the moment with yourself,” Overstreet explained. The most important thing is to make sure you’re still able to stay present and enjoy the moments you’re in right now. If your fantasies are getting in the way of that, you could be treading into unhealthy territory.

At the end of the day, fantasies are a normal and healthy part of our sexual fulfillment. Where things start to get tricky is if you’re letting these fantasies of your ex get in the way of your current relationship with your partner or with yourself. If you’re relying on the past to make you happy in the present, you aren’t giving yourself a fair shot to really be happy today.

Overstreet’s final advice? “Ride it out, get out of your head, and out of the emotion.” Play out the fantasy, but come back to yourself afterward and make sure you’re finding moments of pleasure in your current situation, too. And beware of rose-colored glasses because I can tell you this much: My best sex was definitely not with my best partner.

Haley Cormac 11/03/2023
Share this Article
Facebook Twitter Email Print
Previous Article Samsung Bespoke tall fridge review
Next Article Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?

Editor's Pick

5 Habits That Can Boost Your Sex Life
Privado VPN review
Why Are Milenials Having Less Sex?
10 Ways To Reinvigorate Your Work-Life Balance
How to Work Out on Vacation to Keep Up Your Routine

Removed from reading list

Undo
Welcome Back!

Sign in to your account

Lost your password?